he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
