have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
