i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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