i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
