When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
