why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
