Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
