this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
