with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
