Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
