Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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