ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize