well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
