"it" just moved
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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