My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
