I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize