You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
