I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
