Dual....:-)
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
