I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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