i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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