Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
