I think I won the penis lottery.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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