new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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