I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
