kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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