u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
