Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
