We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
