Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
