I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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