he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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