Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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