god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
