No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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