im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize