6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
