Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
