My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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