Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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