If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
