Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
