oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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