I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
