I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
