Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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