so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Are we still banned from the library?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
