you guys were way drunker than both of me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
