Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
