I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
