Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need moral support for this bender
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
