just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
