he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
