so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
