What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
