im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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