There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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