I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
