I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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