Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
