Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
