she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
