if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
