Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Someone signed my nipple.
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