We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
