I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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