the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
