I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Vodka?
Forever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
