ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
