I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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